No one knows
by cassy9
Summary: My fan fiction starts four years after Silence of the lambs. Clarice gets in trouble long before the fish market bloodbath because the FBI suspects her of a maintained correspondence with Dr. Lecter.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own anything.

This is my first fan fiction about Dr. Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling. I hope you enjoy this little fan fiction and if you would be so kind to review my story, I would really appreciate that.

My fan fiction starts four years after Silence of the lambs. Clarice gets in trouble long before the fish market bloodbath and also John Brigham dies before that.

**Chapter 1 Under suspicion **

Since Clarice Starling's first encounter with Dr. Hannibal Lecter, the media had become obsessed with her. Most of the reporters never bothered her privately, except that one reporter named Janice Miller. The young and successful-obsessed reporter wrote for a tabloid newspaper called CNews and she followed Clarice all the time. A few weeks ago Janice Miller sneaked around the house where Clarice and her best friend Agent Ardelia Mapp lived. It took Ardelia an immense measure of her self-control, while she tried to get rid of that reporter without being violent. Clarice knew that Janice only waited for the right moment to make up a big story about her and Dr. Lecter. That reporter was really obsessed with Clarice and Dr. Lecter because she never mentioned one name without the other name in addition.

A week ago Clarice was able to catch the infamous serial killer Clive Johnson. For over more than seven years the FBI was desperately looking for him. Johnson was responsible for the deaths of thirteen women. Every woman was in the age of 20 up to 30, they all had blonde hair and blue eyes. Clive Johnson always raped his victims, while they were still alive and then he killed them with a shoot in the head. After they were dead he threw the corpse in the next river. Clarice got the case five months ago and was able to catch and to kill him. she was able to do something that all the other agents evening do, during the last seven years.

The media started to celebrate Clarice but also a lot comments were really annoying her, because they started to asked what she would do if she would find Lecter. The headlines "reached from" she is going to kill him" to " they elope and spend the rest of their days together."

As much as possible Clarice tried to ignore this supposition and often tasteless speculation of the media, however, she wasn't so successful as she tried to ignore her inner voice. Over and over this voice kept asking her what she would do, if she would meet him again and if she would be honest will herself, than she knew that she had no idea what she would do.

Two weeks had passed by since Clarice caught Clive Johnson. She was on her way to her office when she saw Paul Krendler from the Justice Department standing not far from the FBI building with Janice miller.

Clarice abhorred Krendler, because he tried to make her life as complicated as possible and when it was possible she avoid him every time she could, but today he caught her attention. From a sure distance Clarice watched Krendler handling over an envelop to Janice after they seemed to have had a tempered discussion. Her curiosity was awaken because she was pretty sure that they were up to something and if she had to guess about what, she was pretty sure that it had something to do with her. For unknown reason to her, both Krendler and Miller seem to dislike Clarice and whenever they could they tried to sabotage her in any possible way.

When Clarice arrived at home that evening, she told Ardelia about Krendler and Miller.

So you think they are up to something?

I don't know, Dee, but I am sure that I will soon find out.

Then they both placed themselves on the couch with a glass of wine, while they watched a movie.

On the next Morning Special Agent Clarice Starling was expected in her superiors office. Jack Crawford sat behind his desk, heard a knock against the half open door, looked up from the documents that were lying unordered on his table and smiled lightly when his gaze meet Clarice.

Starling.

You wanted to see me, sir.

Yes. Was his reply and now any smile from his face was gone, while he placed a letter right in front of Clarice. She looked at him questioningly and Jack arose from his chair. He did run his fingers through his hair and explained Yesterday…. Krendler has found this letter in your office... It is from Lecter.

I haven't received a letter from Dr. Lecter. I do not know what this is, but Krendler has certainly not found this letter in my office.

Well According to the obvious evidence this letter was found in your office. Lecter signed it and tomorrow is a hearing.

Sir,… you don't really believe that I….. would kept such a thing a secret. Jack sat down on his chair and sighed thoughtfully.

What I believe or not... is irrelevant. Tomorrow at eight you are expected in the office of director Noonan. There you will have enough time to express and defend yourself. Clarice took the letter, flew over it briefly and explained I have never seen this letter. Are we really sure that this letter came from him? Who was doing an analysis?

Krendler has looked personally over the procedure of the analysis. No fingerprints, no clue where it comes from.

Paul took care of that?! He is trying everything he can to make my life as horrible as possible. Why wouldn't I tell you about a letter from Dr. Lecter? Why would I keep this a secret?

For a long moment Jack looked quietly into her eyes, he knew that she wasn't lying and he was sure that Krendler had something to do with it, but he couldn't help her.

Clarice, I wish there would be something I could do but ... Clarice was really upset, she interrupted him Forget it, Jack... At least I can get used to how it will be when you are in the retirement.

Clarice... , said Jack in an upset voice but, his words were in vain, because Clarice had already left his office.

Her head ached on her way to her office. She couldn't believe what has happened. _This must be a bad joke... _Clarice thought while she asked herself how she will be able to deal with Krendler in the future. But for now she had to get rid of this confusing thoughts and so she dealt with paper work for the rest of the day.

Clarice was just taking her jacket of the chair when John Brigham entered her office. She smiled at him half-heartedly when he asked Bad day huh?

Honestly,… it couldn't have been more worse.

What about a pizza and a beer at my place? Maybe we can at least have a nice evening even though the day was bad.

John looked in a grinning way at her, opened his arms to an embrace and Clarice nodded smilingly, while she put on her jacket.

While they ate the pizza, Clarice told him about the supposed letter of Lecter and that she saw Krendler and that reporter together.

Why don't you work with me Clarice?… Forget Crawford and forget the justice department. They are not doing you any good… you work your ass off and all you get is a kick in the ass. You don't deserve this... Look next week I am planning a raid. Fabio Delure is back in town and I know that there is some unfinished business between the two of you.

Oh God... How long ago was that?…. That bastard was the first one who had shot at me and had hit me.

I could use your help you know... I mean I know I count on you because you never hesitate to act.…. besides the media is not calling you "death angel" for nothing.. right? For that comment Clarice poked him jokingly in the ribs and answered Okay, I am in.

Great, .. The day after tomorrow we have a briefing... Do you want one more beer?

Yeah, I would really like another one.

Seconds later John came back with two cold beers and put them down on the table, while he placed himself beside Clarice on the couch again. He looked her in the eyes, till she asked What are you starring at? Instead of giving her an answer, he lifted his hand and softly he stroked over her cheek and his eyes never left her for a second.

John. Came more like a breath out of her mouth then a word. John closed the distance between them and kissed her. At first Clarice didn't wanted to give in but somehow she found herself returning the kiss in a very stormy and passionate way.


	2. That's unfair

**Chapter 2 That's unfair **

Clarice woke up pretty early in the morning, which was understandable, because today was the hearing and she was still immensely infuriated about the assumption that she would keep a letter of Dr. Lecter a secret. Over and over again she wondered, why she had to justify for something she hadn't done. Everything was just incredibly unfair and she really didn't deserve all of this, but Clarice Starling was always a fighter, would always be a fighter, and even now she would fight until the end.

John was still asleep beside her and Clarice tried to get out of the bed as quietly as possible, because she didn't want to wake him. She got dressed and jogged back home, but also that brought no clarity into her head. During the last years, she desperately tried to banish Dr. Lecter from her mind and every time she though she achieved that, someone had to remind her of him. It wasn't like she would undo or regret that she met him, because he helped her saving Catherine Martin and she learnt a lot, but somehow the few encounters she had with him, followed her like a shadow.

Sometimes she caught herself in the act of wondering, what he would think and right now she asked herself, what he would think about the whole situation. Clarice was sure that Dr. Lector would like this and quite unlike her, he would have his true joy. She could almost hear him saying "It was only a matter of time, Clarice" with his metallic and rusty voice.

Clarice fervently hoped that the whole matter would be handled internally. The last thing she needed, was her face in the media and the headline that she and Dr. Lecter maintained a secret correspondence. In her mind's eye she could already imagine, how the press would cannibalize this story again.

In the bathroom she took off her clothes and turned the shower on hot. During the hot jet of water trickled down to her, she had to think of her encounters with Dr. Lecter and she caught herself again wondering, what he was doing now. She shuddered and hoped to expel the thoughts because after all, not Dr. Lecter was responsible for her inner turmoil at the moment, but all alone Paul Krendler.

After the extensive shower, she got dressed and made her way to the FBI building. The big glass door opened and Clarice walked through the great hall, until she stopped right in front of the elevator. A minute later, she rode in that elevator to the fifth floor.

The journey seemed incredibly long to her and a sense of powerlessness and a sense of impotence started to spread through her whole body, because she didn't know how this would end. The hearing caused her a lot of trouble and it bothered her beyond belief, that she had to explain herself in front of Paul Krendler.

_Will I get suspended or not? _

This question tormented her the most, because if she was honest, she was not sure, if she could cope with the answer. Her job, was her purpose in life. With her heart and soul, she tried to protect and save all the innocent lambs. She devoted herself to justice and for an unknown reason something crossed her mind.

_Better suffer injustice than commit injustice…._

At that very moment she wasn't sure, if she could hold on to that statement. Clarice had worked very hard for her position as a Special Agent and waived much for her job. The uneasy feeling she felt in her stomach didn't vanished, as she tried to convince herself that the truth always wins in the end. In some way that sounded like a cheap cliché to her now. A few years ago, she would have still believed it, but now she had become older and more mature.

After a long and endless ride the elevator finally stopped and the black doors opened. Clarice left the elevator, took a deep breath, and then she entered the long hallway, which was leading to the office of Director Noonan. Clarice walked into the room, where Director Noonan and Paul Krendler were already waiting for her. Director Noonan frowned, when Clarice entered the office. He was sitting behind his desk, and Paul Krendler was sitting in front of the desk. He tried to hide a sneering smile, when he caught sight of Clarice.

Without any exchanges of pleasantries Noonan began to talk in a firm voice "Special Agent Starling, you do know, why you have to be here?"

"Why do I have to be here unjustified…. Yes, I know that, sir."

"Unjustified or not. Lets face the facts. There was a letter found in your office and that letter was sign by Lecter. Can you explain why this letter was found in your office and why you didn't reported that he contacted you."

"With all due respect, sir I am sure that the letter is not from Dr. Lecter. I have seen this letter in Mr. Crawford's office for the first time, when he had shown it to me and thus I have kept nothing a secret."

Noonan crossed his arms and leaned back. He looked into her eyes and said "And yet Paul has found the said letter in your office, Starling. How do you explain that?"

"He is lying."

"Starling, you may well consider what you say here. Mind you, there was a clue regarding to Johnson."

"That was two weeks ago ..and now a supposed letter was found in which I have received help from Dr. Lecter. That seems a bit strange, don't you think? If I really wanted to keep something a secret, it would remain a secret..…" Clarice paused a moment and tried to control herself, however, the fury, which she deeply felt in her stomach, started to become overpowering and thus she erupted in anger.

"Is it really so inconceivable and far-fetched that I have catch Johnson by myself …" She paused once more and turned to Paul Krendler with a dark look. "What's wrong with you Paul?.. You can't take it that I have caught a killer again. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? Hmm… I am really starting to wonder what you would do, if I wouldn't be a woman. Would you still imply something like that?"

As a result Krendler expelled a nasty laughter and answered "You know Starling, there is nothing wrong with me, because I am not the one who receives help from a fugitive. You wouldn't have caught Johnson, if your... homicidal maniac friend Lecter hadn't helped you."

"Paul you poor pathetic.…"

"Starling! That is enough!.…" With these words director Noonan interrupted Clarice to defuse the situation and she tried to collect herself, looked away from Krendler and after she took a deep breath, she faced Noonan again.

Noonan sighed deeply in a helpless way, but he continued with a strong voice "We will examine the letter further and we will keep an eye on you Starling... Pull yourself together!... You are excused. We are done."

Before Clarice left the room, she did give Krendler a dirty look and he returned it with an evil grin. A Moment later Clarice was gone and so she couldn't hear Paul Krendler whispering "We aren't done, Starling."

Jack Crawford was waiting for Clarice in front of Noonan's office. The expression in his eyes, revealed honest concern, while he asked "How did it go?"

"Well, for now I am not suspended….." she paused, shook her head and sighed deeply "But Noonan sides with Krendler. Obviously his word is worth much more than mine."

"I am sorry…Clarice.…"he said, while he avoided to look at her. After a brief moment, he continued with a strained voice. "I wish I could do something but…."

Somehow Clarice looked like a dying duck in a thunderstorm, she shook her head again and with a thin voice she asked. "Really? You want to know what I think…. I think you don't want to help me…" For a moment there was absolute silence and their eyes met and when Clarice continued, her fighting spirit came back.

"….After Dr. Lecter escaped, you also thought that I have helped him... You doubt me and you don't trust me, just like everybody else." And in that very moment Clarice realized that this was true. Crawford didn't trusted her, he was like everybody else and even he could easily believe that she would secretly stayed in touch with Dr. Lecter. She had enough because she never did anything wrong.

"This has nothing to do with trust, Clarice…" But she interrupted him in gruffly way and said "Fine, enlighten me."

"I trust you Clarice..., nevertheless, Lecter always gets what he wants."

"Tell me about it. ... Who knows this probably better, than I do?... I took an oath, which I have sworn not to break... At least you ought to know me better."

"I know that,… but at that time... There was a possibility that he had persuaded you, to help him ... you were still young...For God's sake! How do think it looked, when you visited him in Tennessee again, even though you were not allowed to?"

That really was the final straw for her, not only that her career was up in the air, but also Crawford's reminding her of the last encounter she had with Dr. Lecter. Unintentional she had to remember how it felt, when he stroked her finger and she wished, she could forget that, because she could still feel it and it haunted her, especially when she felt alone, as she did now. How on earth did everybody get the idea that she had a choice. Catherine Martin had to be saved and Dr. Lecter was the only one, who knew how.

Clarice did run her fingers through her hair and with a failing voice she said "I have visited him for one reason... and that reason was Catherine Martin."

"I know. Clarice... and I never meant to... " But before he could finish that sentence, his phone rung. Two minutes later the conversation ended and Crawford faced Clarice again.

"A blonde woman was found in a lake...probably a Copycat. You coming with me?"

Clarice massaged her temples for a second and said "I can't. John is on to Fabio Delure and I promised to help him."

For a moment Jack studied her in silence, till he finally said "Alright."

Clarice watched him leaving and a big part of her wanted to follow Jack, but she had promised John to help him with Fabio Delure. She was a woman, who kept her promises, even though she would rather chases a Copycat killer, instead of a drug dealer. Maybe it was good for her to put some daylight between her and Jack and the Serial Killers.

_After all there isn't much that could go wrong during a raid_, she thought to herself, when she went into her office.

For the rest of the day Clarice studied site plans and Fabio Delure`s file. While she mulled over Fabio Delure`s file, she recalled the night he shoot her. The bullet had hit her shoulder and this time she would make sure that something like that wouldn't happen again.

Shortly after eight o'clock Clarice arrived at home. The day was just awful and disturbing. True, the hearing could have gone worse, but also the earlier discussion with Jack was still shaken her. Unfortunately Ardelia was out of town for the next three days and so Clarice had time to come to terms with herself. The very idea of Dr. Lecter send chills up and down her spine and that was a mix of excitement and confusion. One thing she knew for sure. She never ever wanted to explore the reason for the mixed feelings, she had regarding to Dr. Lecter.


	3. Our time will come

The next morning, Clarice felt absolutely whacked, she tossed and turned in bed all night, because she simply couldn't sleep. Too many disturbing and annoying thoughts were still floating in her head and she was unable to rest.

One the one hand, she couldn't get Dr. Lecter out of her head, he was always on her mind, since she was accused to have been in contact with him. Of course, he was in her mind before the whole thing happened, but at the time, she was always able to push the thoughts of him away and so they didn't bother her all the time. But now, when she tried to fought the irritating thoughts, she always lost in the end and she had to surrender, no matter how hard she tried.

On the other hand, she was still limitless outraged that Krendler pulled that shit with her and as if, all of this wasn't enough, John left a massage on her answering machine. He wanted to take her out for diner and Clarice was sure that he also wanted to have a clarifying talk, regarding to their relationship. But right now she really wasn't in the mood for a conversation like that, she started to doubt everything, especially that she hadn't gone with Jack, when he asked her.

_Who am I kidding?_ she asked the mirror after she washed herself.

Clarice was a hunter and she wanted to hunt serial killers down and now she had to keep herself busy with that stupid drug dealer Fabio Delure. She got dressed and went into the kitchen. She knew that now there's no going back, she had to deal with Delure and then she would work with Jack again. While she dwelled on those thoughts, she drank her coffee and thought _I wish Dee would be here, she always knows how to cheer me up_. Twice, she had already had the phone in her hands and had been on the verge of calling Adrelia, but Clarice forced herself to wait. She would tell her everything, when she came back. At the moment, she had to prepare herself for the raid. Clarice finished her coffee and got in her old, but trusty Mustang and drove to the shooting range of the FBI.

She spent the whole morning on the shooting range and practiced her dexterity on the weapon. Gradually, she felt a bit better and was not as confused, as she was a few hours ago. While she was shooting with her gun, she always got a clear head, because everything what she had in mind then, were the target and the bullet. Other people relaxed, while doing Yoga and Clarice could relax, while she tried to hit a target with the bullet of her gun. Here she could do justice to her own demands every time, nobody judge her and whenever she had a heavy heart, here she could ease all the stress and she could get rid of all her frustration and her negative emotions.

After Clarice had packed up her things and was about to go into her office, she almost run into John. He smiled and asked in a soft way "Hey, did you get my message?"

"Yeah, I did... but it was pretty late last night ...…" Clarice paused a moment, avoided to look into the questioning eyes of John and tried to change the subject, when she continued "The briefing is tomorrow right?.. Yesterday... I looked over Fabio's file again and I..…"

But John didn't let her finished that sentences, he interrupted her impatiently by saying "What's going on Clarice? I really thought that we were done playing the cat and mouse game. I don't want to chase you, okay... I have done that a long time and I..…"

"John ... Right now ...It is not that simple... I.…"

"So you say ... Everything is complicated with you and you make everything complicated ... I just want to ..…" He paused and took her hand in his hand as he tried to catch her eyes.

"You do know how I feel about you..…" he paused and continued when Clarice finally looked into his eyes again "... and that will never change Clarice, no matter what happens. I won't abandon you and I want our relationship to develop. I want to be with you... I want to make you happy and I know... I can make you happy, but you have to let me. Don't shut me out and do yourself a favour for a chance."

Clarice looked at him for a long moment in silence, she was speechless, because this were the right words, but not the right man and yes, she knew how he felt about her, and she also knew that she didn't feel the same for him. With all her heart, she wished that it but be different, but she was just not in love with him. She never has and she never would be, but at the moment she was unable to break his heart. The thought that she eventually had to break his heart was almost unbearable for her. John had always been there for her and he would probably do almost anything for her and what has she done to him?

She had awakened hopes in him, which have never existed and in a weak moment she had let go herself and indulge herself in pure egoism. In that night she wanted to feel better, all she thought about was herself, why didn't she though about him and his feelings. How was she supposed to explain that. Why did she do it in the first place?

Fortunately, Clarice was saved by the ringing of her mobile phone. She looked at the display of her phone, looked insecure at John and said in a soft voice "I really have to take this call, I see you tomorrow okay?" Then she gave him a brief kiss on the cheek, answered her phone and walked a way. John watched her leaving and a light smile played upon his lips.

Jack Crawford was calling Clarice and he asked her, if she could take a look at the body of the blonde woman, who they had found yesterday in a lake.

Clarice agreed and twenty minutes later, she was in front of the forensics. Jack picked her up at the entrance of the forensics and he greeted her with a handshake and said " I am glad you came." he paused a moment and continued in a rueful voice " I am sorry about yesterday Clarice. I never meant to…"

But before he could finish that sentence, Clarice interrupted him and answered with a shake of the head " Water under the bridge, Jack… Just forget it, okay?"

Jack sighed with relief and thankfully he agreed "Okay ... He paused for a moment, their eyes met, while he slightly smiled and explained " At first we thought that she was a possible victim of Johnson, because her body was more than four weeks in that lake. She was a blonde woman in her mid twenty and she died because of a head shot. But there were no signs of a rape. By now we believe that it was not Johnson, who killed her."

"Maybe it was her husband.. or simply a suicide?"

"We don't know who she is yet. She was too long in the water. Her body is still puffed up. However there is something interesting. Somebody carved a cross and the number 19, all over her back, presumably long before she was killed."

Then Clarice and Jack went to the cellar of the forensics. The scent of a dead person was still a sharp smell, but after all this time, Clarice was accustomed to it and it didn't bother her anymore. The corpse was really wax-pale and swollen and Clarice didn't wanted to look at the corpse anymore and so the forensic doctor turned the dead body around, so that Clarice could take a look at the cross and the number.

In silence, Clarice examined the corpse some minutes, took pictures of the cross and then she explained, while facing Jack " She might belonged to a sect…. The cross really looks religious… Take a look…" She paused and Jack stepped closer.

" There are four arms of the cross and you can see decorated winding lines. I will check the cross and the number out."

"Good…Well, nobody clears up a murder as fast as you do Clarice….I don't want to relinquish you… you know… You are doing a good job and no matter what everybody else believes, I know that I can count on you... and the thing with Lecter.…"

"Jack, just let it go, okay?… I really don't want to take about Dr. Lecter... it is worst enough that he has an effect on my job. I don't want to talk about him... I will go home now and try to find out something about the cross. I call you later."

"All right."

An hour later Clarice was at home, made herself a strong coffee and sat down in front of her computer. For the next four hours she was really concentrated and collected every information about the cross and the number 19. It wasn't much. All she had found out was that, the woman was probably a new member of the sect called core of 19 fruits. So she decided to give Jack a call, she took her phone and dialled the number. Ten seconds later Jack answered his phone with " Crawford ."

" It is Starling, sir."

" Any news?"

" Yes, I believe that the woman was a new member in a sect called... core of 19 fruits, they are known to carve crosses all over their bodies and they do have suicide ceremonies."

" That's something,... her name is Sandra Buvoer, she has no family and nobody is missing her and since we can exclude a copycat, we have no reason to investigate any further. It will be suicide."

Clarice was silent and all Jack could hear was a deep sighed and so he continued

" You know how it works Clarice, as long as nobody is missing a person and the media doesn't know about a death... everything is fine."

" Yeah, I know that, but that doesn't mean I like it.." Then there was an uneasy silence between them, till Jack plucked up courage and finally asked what bothered him.

" How long are you working with John?" Clarice couldn't see it, but he was relieved now, it was more simply to ask something like that on the phone, instead of face to face.

" Just a few days... there is a briefing tomorrow and the raid will be by the end of the week.. ."

" So... you are not changing into his unit? ." Clarice had to smile, after all it felt good to be wanted.

" No, Jack, I have no intention to do so... you should know that... It is just Krendler and Noonan, they would be happy to see me leaving."

" You know, I.. talked to Noonan and he is considering to let it go, despite Krendler`s protest... ."

" Thank you, but as long as Krendler has a finger in every pie, my days are numbered ."

"I believe Krendler is fallible. You said, you saw him and that reporter together"

"Yeah, but there are no news about me, so I am fine...for now ."

"Okay, thanks again for your help, even though we are not going to investigate it further ."

"I don't think, we have to worry about potential killers Jack, I am sure, there always will be enough of them."

"Yes, sad but true, we don't have to worry about that. Well, good night Clarice."

"Good night.." After Clarice hung up the phone she felt a bit better, because now she had straighten things out with Jack and that was at least one thing to feel better about. She had a sip of her cold coffee, looked at the clock and realized that it was already after ten clock. She stood at the window and looked out, into the darkness, while she recalled the day.

_How could everything with John get out of hand?_ she asked herself again and again, because she was not sure whether the two could ever be friends again.

_God, why did not I just stopped before..., I'm so stupid_ she cursed herself, as her head leaned against the window frame and while she was still staring into the night.

At least Noonan stopped to investigate the supposed letter and she and Jack were okay, but she and John, that was a another subject. Well, there was still her and Dr. Lecter, but Clarice really didn't wanted to go down that road again.

What Clarice did not know, was that at the same time Dr. Hannibal Lecter also looked out the window and starred into a beautiful morning, while the watched the sunrise.

He was sitting in a chair right in front of the window, in hotel room, in Prague. For the last four years since his escape he absorbed life and everything that was denied, while he was incarcerated. Dr. Lecter enjoyed his freedom to the fullest and amused himself with several visits in museum, operas, theatres,

The Four Seasons Hotel in Prague did measure up his expectation and he felt as snug as a bug in a rug, except for one thing and that was Clarice. In some way he missed her, he wished, he could see her without bars or behind a thick glass wall. He would give his right arm, if he could inhale her unmistakable scent and see her again. Clarice was a permanent thought in his mind and how many times did he wished to touch her again. Every detail of their encounters were etched on his memory and he was convinced that he was etched in Clarice`s mind, too.

Half an hour later, he closed the window and thought _Our time will come my dear, _with a toothy grin.


	4. Unbelievable

On the following day the unit of Agent John Brigham and Special Agent Clarice Starling met in a briefing room to clarify the procedure at the raid. The briefing lasted more than six hours and in the end John repeated the most important points again. He stood right in front of a desk and with a serious facial expression he repeated "Fabio Delure has a flat in the Connecticut Avenue and his 17 year old brother Anthony is staying with him. On Friday, exactly in three days, we clamp down on Delure. My informant is meeting him at nine o'clock. At seven o'clock we will meet and prepare ourselves. On the Florida Avenue we will wait for a call from the informant. We want as little attention as possible, You got that?"

He paused for a moment, looked into nodding faces and continued "Delure does not hesitate to shoot, be on guard everybody. We go in and arrest him, best without a shootout." John paused once more, looked at Clarice and said "Agent Starling and Delure are already acquainted. You should listen to her."

Clarice cleared her throat and said "Fabio Delure is very dangerous and unpredictable, never turn your back on him. He will derive a benefit from your carelessness. Don't make the mistake to underestimate him just because he is a junkie."

After Clarice had finished, the members of Johns Unit left and so John and Clarice were alone in the briefing room. John smiled at Clarice and was about to tell her something, but before he had the chance to do so, her mobile phone rung. She looked at her display, turn to John, while saying "It is Ardelia" and accepted the call. Hardly any minute later, Clarice faced John again and explained in a soft voice " I have to pick her up from the airport. I am really sorry. I will make it up to you. I promise." After that John leant closer to Clarice, breathed "Okay" and gave her one rather intensive kiss which Clarice did not prevented.

On her way to the airport she asked herself _What__'__s wrong with me? Why do I keep kissing him? _

Twenty minutes later, Clarice arrived at the airport and Ardelia was waiting at the entrance. The two women hugged and Clarice said with a smile "What happened? I thought you were not coming back until tomorrow."

"Oh, it was a letdown. We were already done by midday. It turned out that the informant had no useful information, so I had no reason to stay in Miami."

Clarice and Ardelia went to the car and during the drive home Ardelia told about her brief stay in Miami.

When they finally arrived at home, Ardelia took a shower and Clarice ordered something to eat. An hour later, after they had eaten, the two made themselves comfortable on the couch in the living room. Ardelia knew, since she had seen Clarice at the airport, that something was wrong with her friend and she had hoped that Clarice would tell her, but now she was getting impatient and asked "And what has happed here?" Clarice avoided to look into Ardelia's eyes and answered as casually as possible "Nothing special."

"Hey you can not fool me sweetie, I can see that something is eating you. What's going on? Tell me!"

Then Clarice sighed heavily and said in a heavy-hearted voice "I made a huge mistake Dee…. I slept with John." Ardelia looked at Clarice for a moment, then she decided to cheer her up, because Clarice takes a lot of things too hard and inquired "Okay. About his Tattoo… does it stop at his arm or does it stop at his shoulder?"

Clarice was scandalized at that question, then she gave Ardelia a critical look and complained " I'm really serious about this Dee. I don't know what to do. I really messed up this time."

Ardelia looked at Clarice in an innocent way and said "Okay, okay, I'll behave ... Promise!"

"It doesn't matter what I do. In the end I will break his heart."

"What is the alternative Clarice? Pretend to love him for the rest of your life? Don't you think he deserves more? Besides you won't be happy with this either. You are the most honest person I know and dissemble your emotions doesn't suit you."

"I know… I know… I just wish it never happened in the first place. Now I feel guilty."

"Listen to me. There is no reason to feel guilty at all. Okay? Don't beat yourself up. John is a grown man and he knows you long enough to know you. Having sex doesn't mean you're engaged, right? And he has no claim on you even though he might thinks he have. It is not your fault you don't reciprocate Johns feelings and that is his problem not yours. Do you understand?"

"I guess so."

"Come on. You know I am right…. " Ardelia paused a moment, took a sip of her beverage and continued "But the way you look, that was not all. What else happened while I was away. Does Krendler make your life difficult again?" Clarice waved her hand and said "Well it is not important any more."

Ardelia sighed an "Okay" paused for a moment, smiled at Clarice and said

"All right …then you can tell me now about Johns tattoo." That churlishness had to be punished. Clarice took a pillow and threw it right in the face of Ardelia. After that they couldn't stop laughing.  
At the same time, the reporter Janice Miller sat at her computer and worked on the headline for tomorrow's paper.

The headline reads Special Agent Clarice Starling and Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a secret and forbidden love. Every word melted in her mouth she really loved her job and now she had something that the others didn't have. She had an ally and that ally was no less a figure than Paul Krendler. He was her source of every detail. It was her luck that Krendler hated Clarice Starling so much that he was willing to spatter the FBI`s reputation. She knew that people would literally tore the paper out of her hands when these two decorated the front page. For the last time she glanced over the article, smiled in satisfied way and send it to the print department. After that she called Krendler and said with a smile "Its done."

The next day Clarice and Ardelia had breakfast together. The TV was on and Clarice could not believe her eyes. Now she was absolutely convinced that Krendler made common cause with Janice Miller. _That son of a bitch _thought Clarice as she took the car keys from the table.

"Where are you going Clarice?"

But she didn't heard Ardelia any more because she was already outside and walked to her car. Twenty minutes later she arrived at the FBI building. In a fury she stormed Noonan's office where Krendler also was and complained loudly. "Why is this public? That is a lie and Paul knows that best. I saw you with that lousy Miller. You are responsible for that you.…"

But Director Noonan did not let Clarice speak any further and stopped her flash of anger with an upraised hand and in sharp tone.

"Agent Starling enough!"

Clarice immediately become silent, Noonan turned to Krendler and said "Paul would you leave us alone please." Krendler stood up, looked at Clarice and left the office with an evil grin.

Clarice took a deep breath while she was trying to calm herself and a few seconds later she continued with a weak voice. "Sir, Mr. Crawford has told me that there wouldn't be any further investigation regarding the alleged letter from Dr. Lecter. You must admit that Paul is responsible for that. I have seen him with Janice Miller and now she is reporting about that letter from Dr. Lecter which I have never received."

Noonan sighed heavily and replied "Starling, I don't know why this information is public and frankly it doesn't matter anymore. You should be more concerned about yourself and your future."

"My future? I didn't do anything wrong."

"I never said you did but my hands are tied. There will be another hearing on Wednesday 0900."

"I have to justify again for something I didn't do?"

"Like I said my hands are tied. The rules apply to you like to everybody else Starling."

"But I wasn't in touch with Dr. Lecter. It is a lie."

Now Noonan was the one who was about to lose control, he crossed his arms and raised his voice. "What do you want me to say Starling? What should I do?"

"I want the truth to be told .…" Noonan interrupted Clarice then in an angry voice, "The truth is that as long as Lecter is on the run, the press will always make a fuss over you and him. The speculation will never stop and you know best, everybody is wondering why he has spoken to you. As long as Lecter is not dead or imprisoned again, the stories won't stop, whether you like it or not. For the FBI, it is an eyesore. The mere assumption that you have had contact to a fugitive would be a reason to suspend you. You can be happy that Crawford thinks highly of you, Starling .…" He paused for a moment, ran a hand through his hair and with a milder voice continued "I believe you are telling the truth, but I can not chance the rules ... From now on I don't want to see your face in any news broadcast ... otherwise you will be immediately suspended from duty ... were clear Starling ?"

"Yes, sir."

Then Clarice left Noonan's office with a bad feeling. It was just unbelievable and Clarice felt exhausted because she realized that no matter what she does everybody thinks of her as the devils mistress. It was a battle she could not win, no matter how hard she tries, no matter how long she fights, in the end she will always loose. Dr. Lecter clung to her like a leech and no matter what she did, her name would be forever linked to his. She didn't know how much more she could take. At first she felt like crying but then an apathy started to spread through her entire body.

In her office she turned the lights off, placed herself on a chair right in front of her desk and reflected her life. She never wanted to be common but she surely never wanted to be the devils mistress and the worse part was that there wasn't a thing she could to about it. Except to find Dr. Lecter and take him into custody but she was convinced that this was impossible. Before she would find him, he surely would find her and if she was true to herself then she had to admit that she never wanted to see him again because she didn't trust herself.

Until late afternoon Clarice was still sitting in her office and thought about the last years of her life, again and again she wondered what she had done wrong until suddenly Krendler walked into her office. He hadn't even the courtesy to knock at her door, instead he placed himself right in front of Clarice and with a grin on his face, he said "It is too bad that you soon will be fired."

But Clarice replied nothing, she stayed stubbornly silent and stared at him unimpressed. Subsequently Krendler started to laugh, gave her look full of venomous and explained "Silence, that is new and unusual for you. In Noonan's office you had so much to say…. You know…. Noonan is a real idiot. I am sure he knows that I had something to do with that but he is a coward…. You 're all alone Clarice .. Your so called career has finally come at an end. But I can offer you a job as my secretary. Sometimes I really wonder what might have been, if you would have been a little more cooperative." That clinched it for her and Clarice lost her self-control. She jumped towards Krendler and with her left arm she turned Krendlers right arm behind his back. With her right hand she pulled her gun and held it to the temple of Krendlers head. He had no chance to liberate himself and was about to burst into tears, what Clarice noticed unimpressed but secretly she enjoyed it.

"You are a pathetic, jealous and lousy bastard and if you should try to fool me again, I swear to god, next time I pull the trigger. Stay away from me Paul, as far as you possibly can."

Clarice removed the gun from his head and left her office without another word. In the hallway, she could hear his heavy breathing and she noticed this with satisfaction. She knew that he would not mention this incident because his image would suffer way too much.

Forty minutes later she arrived at home where Ardelia was already waiting for her because since this morning she had not seen Clarice.

Clarice took off her jacket and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, while Ardelia cleared her throat and asked carefully "You wouldn't keep a letter from him a secret, right?"

Clarice sighed in a annoyed way and answered in a harsh tone "Really? You asking me that. Paul plant that letter on me. I can't believe your asking me that." Now Ardelia had to defuse the situation and said " Don't get upset! It's just the press…." Clarice didn't let her continued and interrupted her by saying "So believe them instead of me?"

"No,.. no… that is not what I said…. But you have to admit that the whole story between you and Lecter is rather strange."

Clarice looked at her for a moment in silence, shook her head and declared "I will go for a run. You don't have to wait for me." Without another word she left the house.


	5. Raid and other incidents

With her head hanging Clarice run through the streets and the park. She was hoping for some closure of her inner turmoil but she failed terrible at that attempt. She could twist and wriggle as much as she liked but there was no chance she could sugar coat her current situation. It was devastating. In the mean time, it was already getting dark and it started to rain. Gradually she was quite soaked with rain and she was very cold, but she didn't mind.

_Perfect end to an awful day, _she thought while she was on her way home.

When she arrived at home, she went straight into the bathroom and put off her wet clothes, while she turned the shower on. She stepped into the shower but even the hot water couldn't wash away the helplessness and defeat she felt deep inside her.

Meanwhile Krendler arrived at a parking ramp where he meet Fabio Delure. Fabio wore a long black coat and he was standing in front of his car with a cigarette in his mouth. He nodded towards Krendler when he spotted him and Krendler came straight down to business.

"Brigham will try to arrest on Friday according to the spy from his unit. Starling will be there too. You know what to do right?"

Delure exhaled the smoke of his cigarette and in a coarse voice he answered "Of Course I know what to do. That bitch will be dead."

"Good" Krendler pause a moment and handed him an envelop, while he continued "Here is your money. You get the rest when she is dead." Fabio Delure took the envelop and entered his car.

When Clarice finished her shower she put on a bath robe and went into her bedroom. There she collapsed exhausted into her bed. At least she didn't felt cold anymore and a few minutes later she heard a knock at her door. Clarice sighed deeply, sat up on her bed and said "Come in."

Ardelia looked ruefully at Clarice and in silence she placed herself right beside Clarice on the bed. Some seconds later Ardelia had gathered enough courage to say "I am sorry Clarice. I never meant to question you. I know that you would never do such a thing. I am truly sorry."

"I am in a dead end, Dee. There is no way out. My carrier... my reputation... everything is completely ruined." Tears flooded Clarice eyes and when Ardelia took her in her arms she wasn't able to hold back the tears and vent herself in a flood of tears. Ardelia did her best to comfort Clarice and to soothe the pain she felt. Five minutes later Clarice stopped crying and with a sleeve of her bath robe she wipe away the tears of her face.

"Everything will be alright Clarice..…"

"I don't think so, Noonan basically said that I am a problem for the FBI as long as Dr. Lecter is on the run."

"That is unfair, they can't blame you. It is not your fault he escaped."

"No, it is not but everybody makes me feel like it is my fault."

"You should really take a few days off, Clarice. You need to relax and you need to put some daylight between yourself and…. all that shit."

Clarice run her fingers through her hair, she knew that Ardelia was right and agreed "I know... and I will... but there is the raid…. I need to be there. I can't bail on John."

Ardelia nodded and said "All right but after.…" Clarice interrupted her and finished the sentence "After the raid I will take some day off… I promise." 

It was early evening in Prague and Dr. Hannibal Lecter was in an exquisite restaurant where he had a delicious dinner. On his way to the hotel he passed a kiosk and a paper gained his attention. The international news was decorated with the flawless and hauntingly beautiful face of Clarice Starling. Dr. Lecter brought the paper and went into his hotel room. After he entered his room, he took off his hat and his leather coat than he poured himself some of the finest wine. While the sweet aroma of the wine unfolded through the entire room, he sat down on a chair and read the article carefully. The headline "Special Agent Clarice Starling and Dr. Hannibal Lecter - a secret and forbidden love" elated him immensely. A few minutes later he leant back, observe the picture of Clarice and had a giggle over that wretched stupidity in that article. Dr. Lecter softly stroked the picture of Clarice and thought _What a shame they don't know you at all Clarice. No one does except me. _

Now he knew that the time had come and he was more than willing to undergo a risk for her. Dr. Lecter decided to fly back to the United States of America and call upon her. But he had to deliberate how he proceed when he paid her visit because after all her behaviour would always be unexpected.

Today was the day of the raid and Clarice woke up with a misgiving. Her inner voice told her to go back to bed but Clarice had never duck the responsibility and she wouldn't start now. Six hours later she drove to the FBI building and there she met John Brigham and the five members of his unit. A big black van was already standing there waiting for the Agents. After the others got into the van John and Clarice talked for a moment.

"Hey are you okay?" said John and smiled at Clarice.

"Yeah I am fine, we should go now."

The van arrived on the Florida Avenue and right after the first corner the van was shot at from an ambush by Fabio Delure, his brother Anthony and five other men. John, his unit and Clarice got out of the van and took cover from the armed attack while they also opened fire. Everywhere bullets were flying through the air and now the range of vision was limited by the smoke of the weapons. Three agents were mortally shot by Fabio and his men. Clarice and John were able to eliminate four of Delures men. Some seconds later John was able to call for back up and an ambulance. While he did that Clarice provided him with covering fire. Clarice sensed that Fabio and Anthony were pointing their guns at her and John but before they could fire, Clarice shot at Anthony. Anthony collapsed on the street and another second later he was dead. A moment later the ambulance and the back up arrived. It was still very fogy and loud and in all that chaos Fabio Delure was able to escape and Clarice and John noticed that too late. There was no point in going after him because by now he could be everywhere.

Clarice looked around and at the corner of the street she discovered Janice Miller. She sighed heavily because she could already imagine what the papers would say tomorrow.

It was already dawn when Clarice finally arrived at home after an exhausting night. Ardelia waited for Clarice and asked with a worried expression on her face. "Hey have you seen the news ?" 

"Nope." Clarice paused for a moment and sighed heavily "I intentionally avoided it."

"Well, do you want to eat breakfast? There is fresh coffee."

"No, thanks" and then Clarice turned on the TV. She couldn't avoid the news forever and decided to get over it. Better sooner than later.

When the TV was turned on Clarice saw what she expected. Janice Miller interviewed Paul Krendler. They were standing right in front of the justice department and Janice asked Paul "Mr. Krendler, it is true that Special Agent Clarice Starling has maintained a correspondence with Dr. Hannibal Lecter?"

Paul grinned briefly into the camera, then he put on a serious expression in his face and answered "We don't know yet, if Agent Starling held a secret correspondence with Lecter or not." He paused and reassured her " But we will investigate that matter. Everything will be cleared up soon."

Paul Krendler wanted to go but Janice wouldn't let him go and asked another question "And what about the yesterday's shootout? Three agents and five alleged drug dealers and the 17 year old brother of Fabio Delure was killed by Special Agent Starling. She really lives up to her name - Angel of death-"

Paul cleared his throat and said with a serious voice "I can assure you that we will investigate that matter, too. If you would excuse me now."

The report ended with Janice smilingly saying "How long will the FBI put up with Special Agent Starlings behaviour. By now she has almost killed as much as Dr. Hannibal Lecter killed. Match made in heaven, right?"

Clarice was more than angry and thought _Not just that Paul lied right into a camera, no he also wanted to investigate. That lying dirty bastard. He wants to investigate. That is downright ridiculous. _

Clarice dwelt on those thoughts till she heard Ardelia asking "Hey are you okay girl?"

"I am not sure…..I definitely will be suspended now."

"You don't know that. John is the one who has to take responsibility and not you." 

"That doesn't make it better, Dee."

**Later that day**

Clarice was done eating her supper and some minutes later her phone rung. She answered the call by saying "Starling"

"It's me Jack. I just wanted to know how you are doing."

"I am okay. It was just one of those days…. How are you?"

"I am fine…..John has taken the entire responsibility for the raid. There will be no hearing about the shootout….. But there still will be the hearing regarding Lecter."

Clarice didn't responded and so Jack continued "Everything is going to be okay."

"I am not so sure about that. Delure is on the run and…. Well everything is just wrong. The press is obsessing about me and Dr. Lecter… and Krendler won't back off. I am at my wits` end Jack."

"The press will get bored.. eventually and Krendler….Keep your chin up Clarice."

"I think I need to take a leave Jack. For a week or so."

"You deserve a break. Well… I will see you at the hearing."

"Yeah. Goodnight Jake and thanks for calling."

"You're welcome. Goodnight."

On Saturday evening Dr. Lecter landed at the Washington airport. He took his luggage and walked into the foyer. There the televisions were turned on.

**Media reporting**

Yesterday a true bloodbath occurred on the Florida avenue. Three agents and five civilians were killed. One of the killed people was the 17-year-old Anthony Delure. Anthony is the brother of Fabio Delure who is a fugitive. Anthony Delure was shoot and killed by Special Agent Starling. Her line of action is more than debatable according to Paul Krendler from the justice department. Special Agent Clarice Starling is dominating the headlines because everybody is curious about that letter she received from the convicted criminal Dr. Hannibal Lecter and now she maintains her reputation as Death angel.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter took note of the report, walked outside and got into a taxi which drove him into a hotel.

The remaining weekend Clarice spent at home. Mainly to hide from the vultures of the press.

**Monday**

Clarice really had to argue with John. It was time for a heart-to-heart conversation. So she and John met in a café. None of them noticed that Fabio Delure was following them. At the same time Janice Miller also arrived at the café where Clarice and John were.

After they finished their breakfast John looked into Clarice`s eyes and said what he wanted to say for a long time " I am in love with you and I want to be with you. I know that you have a lot on your plate and that you are not sure about me… I know that ..but I have a proposal…. Come away with me. We take some days off and drive into the countryside. Somewhere far, far away. Just you and me. No work, no Jake, no Lecter, no nothing… just you and me. What do you think of that?"

Clarice was speechless and avoided to look at John because she wasn't able to look into his honest eyes and break his heart. While few second elapsed Clarice`s gaze wandered over the street and suddenly she caught her breath.

On the opposite of the street Clarice detected Fabio Delure who was pointing a gun at her and John. John looked at the shocked expression on her face, sensed that something was wrong, turned his head around and then he spotted Fabio Delure when he just squeezed the trigger. John acted without thinking and without hesitation. He threw himself in front of Clarice to protect her from the shots. Fabio Delure fired seven shots at John and Clarice.

Five shots were hitting John right in his back and the other two shots did hit Clarice. She was hit at the right side of her abdominal and on the left side of her thighs. Within seconds Clarice drew a weapon from her holster, pointed her gun at Fabio and fired. The bullet did hit Fabio's left side of his chest and a moment later he was dead. The street was milling with people who were screaming and running but Clarice didn't apprehend the sound of that and she didn't perceive the pain in her leg and her stomach. All she realized was the bleeding John in her arms. Her mind was in a haze when John stopped breathing. The ambulance arrived and Clarice was rushed to the hospital.

Janice Miller was able to tape the whole incident on video.

A few hours later the bullets were removed from Clarice`s body. She was still dazed and slept till the next morning.

When she woke up, she slowly started to realized what happened yesterday and not just her injuries caused her lot of pain. The thought that John was death because he saved her life was more than she could endure. A deep sadness came over her and she wept bitterly for John. She didn't know how long she was crying but when she finally had settled down she sighted a flower bouquet with a greeting card in and a letter on her table beside the bed. Clarice got out of the bed, looked at the beautiful flower bouquet and read the greeting card. The greeting card was manually written and said -_Gladiolus this flower stands for strength of character, honour and conviction- all the characteristics you own Clarice. _

Clarice swallowed and took the letter from the table. She opened the letter and the first thing she read was _Dear Clarice. _She couldn't read any further because she was paralysed with fear. In that moment she realized that Dr. Lecter send her the flowers and the letter and that he was in her room. She was fuzzy-headed and many thoughts came into her mind. All she could think was _Get out of here! Dr. Lecter was here. Take your things and run._


	6. No one knows

Clarice still couldn't believe that Dr. Lecter had been in her room. She took a deep breath, noticed that her whole body was shaking like a leaf and tried to calm down. A few minutes later, the tremors subsided considerably and now she was confident enough that she wouldn't let that glass of water fall out of her hand when she tried to take a sip.

_I have to go away. As fast as I can. Right now._ That was the only thing that came to her mind. A chair right beside the window caught her eye because there her clothes lay. She walked with a limp to the chair and got dressed. Dr. Lecter`s letter was still in her hand and she did put it into the pocket of her jacket.

_Great. I am the devils mistress. This proofs it. I conceal a letter written by Dr. Lecter. _

But right now she couldn't deal with that because all she wanted was to get out of that hospital. Clarice walked to the door and when she wanted to open the door a nurse entered her room and said "Miss Starling, what are you doing. You need to stay here a few days for observation. Your wounds are way too fresh. You need to rest. Otherwise this wounds you have won't heal properly."

"No, I can't stay here...I need to get out of here." Was Clarice answer and before the nurse had the chance to stop her Clarice passed her and was on her way to the exit.

When Clarice finally reached the exit of the hospital, she saw Janice Miller and for a brief moment she hesitated to leave the hospital.

_Shit. What is she doing her _thought Clarice and decided that she wouldn't let herself be stopped by that disgusting reporter. She opened the door, went outside and waited for a taxi, while Janice Miller stormed to her and bombarded Clarice with silly questions. Luckily she didn't had to wait very long for a taxi. Twenty minutes later she arrived at home. There she quickly packed some clothes into a bag and called a taxi again.

While Clarice was at home, waiting for another taxi, Janice Miller arrived at Clarice`s house and decided to stay there till Clarice would leave her house.

The taxi arrived a few minutes later. Clarice hurried over to the taxi, hoped that nobody was following her and ignored the questions Janice was asking her. Some minutes later Clarice arrived at the Washington airport and there she took the next plane to Nashville. The flight lasted an hour and Clarice had enough time to rethink her actions. She reached to the conclusion that her behaviour was a little bit irrational but still understandable. After all she was still in a state of shock. John was dead and Dr. Lecter was in her room where he left a letter for her.

_It stand to reason that I lost my train of thought. Right. A lot happened but I am fine. And I am not freaking out. Everything will be alright._

With these words she tried to content herself even though she knew that nothing was okay. From Nashville she took another plane to the Outlaw Field in Clarksville, Tennessee and there she called a taxi. Half an hour later she reached her destination. Clarice stepped out of the taxi, paid the driver and looked around till her eyes caught the small wooden hut she owned. The wooden hut was equipped with two rooms, a bathroom and a very small kitchen. But Clarice loved it here. She closed her eyes and inhaled the pure and fresh air several times.

_Yeah, this is a good place. No one knows where I am. No one will find me here. Not even Dr. Lecter could find me here. _She thought as she looked around again to make sure that no one was following her. When Clarice was absolutely sure now that no one had followed her, she entered the wooden hut and placed her bag next to the old black leather sofa.

Three years ago she bought this cottage. It was ideal for her because no one here knew her and nobody bothered to get to know her. Especially after the whole Buffalo Bill and Dr. Lecter story, she needed a place where she could seclude herself and where she was able to find her peace of mind. At first Clarice turned the power and the water on. Then she grabbed a few clothes from the bag, put them in a closet and then she decided to buy some victuals.

While Clarice walked through the small supermarket, she realized that the effect of the pain medication gradually subsided. Her leg was crossed by a violent stabbing, when she was back on the road to the cabin. That night she fell exhausted into bed. The agitations and efforts of the last few days dropped her into a deep sleep that lasted until dawn .

The next morning, Clarice reluctantly got out of her bed even though the pain in her leg hadn't gone worse it also wasn't much better.

_I need some painkillers_ she thought while she was on her way to the bathroom. She took a shower and got dressed. After that she went into a snack bar and there she ordered a coffee, eggs and bacon. While she was waiting for her breakfast, she realized that the letter was still in her jacket.

_Sooner or later I have to read the letter_ and when she conclude that train of thought, the waiter placed her breakfast right in front of her. Fifteen minutes later she was done eating and took the letter from Dr. Lecter out of her pocket. For more than two minutes Clarice starred at the letter while her hands where trembling and another minute later she was finally able to take the letter out of the envelop. After a few deep breaths she unfolded the letter and read.

_Dear Clarice,_

_I hope you like the floral bouquet and make sure not worry, I was only a few seconds in your room, even though the temptation to stay longer was monumental. I must admit, it was a sensual pleasure and an extraordinary experience seeing you without a thick glass wall._

_You know, you're well-being is very important to me and at the moment I am very concerned about your welfare. I can visualize how much the fuss about your person must afflict you. Tell me how does it feel - your failure? Are you now finally aware of the FBI`s perversity and injustice. I bet you are. Now that you have experienced the corruptibility of your revered and beloved FBI. _

_You owe the misery in which you are now to the turpitude of the FBI. This forced marriage between you and the FBI was doomed to failure Clarice. _

_The ridiculous notion that you and I have maintained a secret correspondence amuses me immensely, because I know that you would have never keep a letter written by me a secret. Besides this letter, this letter will be kept secret unless I am very much mistaken. By now it makes no different because the press, the public and the FBI thinks you are guilty. It is very much likely that this is the end of your career. We both know that bad press inevitably lead to a discharge. I am very curious Clarice how does it feel to have lived a career oriented life which had never a real future? The more intriguing question is what will you do now? _

_Will you ever be able to live with this failure or will you always look back and wonder why? Do feel responsible for the death of Agent John Brigham and my escape? The whole world thinks you're guilty Clarice and old Jackie Boy will not even try to whitewash your reputation. He was always and will be always spineless. He used you to get what he wanted and now you are erased like worn-out shoes. And all because you fell into an unjustified disgrace. Do you think your Daddy is disappointed by you?_

_Clarice, you know you are a warrior by nature. You don't need the FBI`s approval or your Daddy's approval to recognize your true nature. All you need is a mirror Clarice. The mirror shows your strength of character, your courage and your incorruptibility. When you are able to comprehend all of that then you will be finally free._

_Your devoted friend_

_Hannibal Lecter __M.D._

_P.S. You still owe me an answer and I hope that you will tell me face to face, since when the lambs are screaming again.  
_

Clarice took a deep breath, closed her eyes for a brief moment and dwelt on dangerous thoughts. _How can it be that someone whom I have met only a few times knows me better than anyone else. Dr. Lecter is right. I had sacrificed myself for the FBI and how do they show me their gratitude, with a stab in my back. The last conversation I had with Director Noonan had indeed made it clear that my future in the FBI is questionable as long as Dr. Lecter is on the run and with everything else that happened it is unlikely that I still have a job when I get back._

Clarice folded the letter and put it back in her pocket. Then she drank the rest of her coffee and paid the bill. Meanwhile, she didn't notice that someone had watched her the whole time.

After Clarice had left the snack bar, she took a little walk and pondered over her current state. She was in a mess and to top it all Clarice realized that Ardelia must be worried sick by now because she hadn't even called her best friend. But before Clarice would catch up on calling Ardelia, she needed to go to a pharmacy and buy some painkillers. The pain in her leg increased a lot probably because she put too much weight onto her leg. She should have slacken off instead of walking around so much. A little later Clarice came home, took a few painkillers and then she tried to find her mobile phone. It was lying on the coffee table, Clarice took her phone and realized that she had to charge the battery before she could call Ardelia.

_This will take a while. _She thought and placed herself on the couch. She was exhausted and took a nap. Clarice slept until late afternoon and now the battery was charged so she could call Ardelia.

"Hey Dee"

"Clarice! Are you okay?" Where are you? I thought something happened."

"I'm fine ... I just couldn't stay in the hospital. I need a few days away from everything, you know. I don't know whether I'm coming or going."

"I know that the last days were stressful but do you really think you should be alone right now. Tell me where you are and I will be there."

"I am okay, Dee. You don't have to worry about me. I will be back in a few days."

"I shudder at the thought that you are alone somewhere in the middle of nowhere. You are walking around with fresh bullet wounds. Do you really think this is such a good idea? You should be in a hospital or at least here with me where I can look after you."

"Listen to me Dee. I am fine and I will be back in a few days. You have nothing to worry about."

"Fine, as you will. But if there is anything you need.. you call me. Okay?"

"I will. I see you in a few days. Bye."

Clarice hung up and went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat. Half an hour later she had finished eating, took a bottle of Jim Beam and a glass out of the cupboard and went back into the living room. She took a gulp, turned on the television and watched the news. Special Agent Clarice Starling and her so called antics were the main topic again. The newsman couldn't stop gushing over the secret love affair between Dr. Lecter an her and he said that they have the desire to kill in common. Clarice always thought that she in some way was obsessed with Dr. Lecter but those reports showed her that the whole world was obsessed with him and that she could stop wondering if she is obsessing or not. She was able to ignore the next to two minutes where the newsman listed how many people Clarice had killed. But the rest of the report was just unbearable. John and Clarice were shown while they were in that café. Some seconds later it was shown how Fabio Delure shot John. It was like she passed through Johns death again.

Rage and despair flowed through her whole body. She lost her temper and throw the glass, which she still had in her hand, right against the wall and then she turned off the TV. Her eyes were filled with tears while she looked at the many small glass fragments on the floor. Everywhere where broken glass and Clarice cursed loud "Shit! Fucking hell!" She wiped away the tears in her eyes and picked up the glass fragments. Unfortunately Clarice was distracted and cut herself while she picked up the glass fragments. The wound was on the palm of her right hand.

_It just keeps getting better! _She though, picked up the rest of the glass fragments and went into the bathroom to bandage the wound. For a moment she looked upon her bandage hand and decided that it was okay. She didn't need a doctor. After that she went back into the kitchen, fetched a new glass and went back into the living room where she poured in another glass of Jim Beam. She took a sip and placed herself in front of the window. She opened the window and leaned against the window frame as she looked at the sunset. For a while she stood there and stared into the dark while a cool breeze touched her face and her naked arms.

"You are way too distracted, Clarice. You shouldn't rack your brains."

Clarice was unable to move and she could barely breath because this metallic and coarse voice was way too familiar. At first she hoped that it was just an imagination, she didn't dare to turn around and kept starring into the night.

In the meantime Dr. Lecter sized her up and waited patiently for her to move. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and deeply inhaled her distinctive scent. He was able to connived her discourtesy even though he didn't liked that Clarice wasn't able to look at him. A little later Clarice was still not ready to face him and Dr. Lecter became a little bit impatient which was reflected in his voice when he continued "You should know by now that I consider talking to your back... rude. Allow me to face you Clarice."


	7. You shouldn't be here

Clarice realized that she shouldn't overstep the mark but she was still stunned and her body didn't obey. A part of her still hoped that he wasn't here, that she just had too much too drink and that she heard voices. But when Dr. Lecter hummed her name again she finally admitted that it was no imagination. The way he pronounced her name did send a chill down her spine and she knew that she should be frightened or at least disgusted but she was none of this. All she felt was a pleasing excitement and a thrill of anticipation. She didn't knew why and she couldn't help it because when it came to him she was befuddled. Maybe she lost her sanity after all. Was it a crime to be attracted to him, both physically and spiritually? It wasn't her fault that she was more intimate with Dr. Lecter than every man she ever slept with and yet it was no excuse for her feelings.

Finally she managed to take a sip and then she slowly turned around to face him. Dr. Lecter sat in a chair which was placed besides the coffee table and his eyes focused Clarice. In silence they both studied each other. Clarice realized that he was able to enter her house, took her phone and weapon without her noticing any of that. She really wasn't at her best. Clarice`s regard stuck a moment too long at her weapon and phone which were lying right beside him on the coffee table. Dr. Lecter followed her gaze and said

"Well, we don't want to do anything stupid now, don't we?" with a gloating wink.

That was the final straw, Clarice lost her temper and didn't care to whom she was talking when she said with a wavering and angry voice.

"And what would that stupid thing be? Maybe I should try to run away with this leg or maybe I should try to overwhelm you with this hand." She raised her hand, paused a moment and continued "I am in no position to do anything and you know it."

Clarice was finished and yet she had flashing eyes. Dr. Lecter allowed Clarice her outburst, he knew that she had to vent her displeasure before they could talk. Her trembling stopped and she relaxed while Dr. Lecter looked straight into her eyes and said in a very soft voice "You must look after yourself, Clarice. You are still weak and the sutures in your leg are not allowed to wrench. I warmly recommend you keep an even keel."

Clarice shook her head in disbelief and said with a calm voice "You are past all believe!... Do you know that?"

"Yes, I do know that."

Clarice held his piercing gaze and explained "Well it wasn't a compliment... Dr. Lecter."

Dr. Lecter smiled for a moment and answered "I know that too."

Clarice didn't know what to do because this was the most strange moment she ever had in her entire life. Dr. Lecter a criminal, a cannibal and a fugitive was sitting in her chair and all she could think of was how well freedom suited him. His skin was sun-kissed, his eyes were glowing and he was wearing a black and noble suit. He had a magnetic personality and it was impossible for Clarice to escape from that. It was too late because she was already captivated by him. While she had all that irritating and confusing thoughts in her mind, a light smile played on her lips which Dr. Lecter pleasantly noticed and said "A penny for your thoughts." But in that very the moment Clarice came back into reality and tried to focus to whom she was talking to. She placed her glass on the window frame and inquired "Why are you here Dr. Lecter, why did you followed me?"

"Don't you think by now it is time for you to call me Hannibal."

Clarice took a deep breath and ignored his request completely while she asked again "Dr. Lecter why are you here?"

Then he clasped his hand, settled back and explained "Isn't that obvious?" Dr. Lecter paused a moment, observed her with a deep sigh and continued in a gentle way "You're welfare is very important to me. In all honesty you are near and dear to me."

Clarice avoided his gaze while she asked in an almost shy way "Why?"

"Why Clarice?…. Because you are the only one who saw me and not just the monster everybody else want to see… It is only natural that I care for you... and I consider us... friends. What is wrong with that?"

"What is wrong with that? Where do I start? I am a Special Agent, I am working for the FBI and you are a fugitive, a criminal."

Dr. Lecter raised his hand and interrupted Clarice by saying "One thing does not rule out the other, my dear."

"It does for me, Dr. Lecter… You shouldn't be here. No one knows that I am here, no one followed me except you. Why are you doing this? Why are you putting yourself in such a dangerous situation?… What do you want from me?"

"Are you sure you are ready to truly hear what I want from you?"

Clarice looked away, she couldn't face him anymore. It was too much for her.

Dr. Lecter knew that she wasn't ready to hear what he wanted to tell her but he knew that the day would came and he would be patiently wait as he did before. After all Clarice was worth everything and he would never talk her into something she wasn't ready for. Dr. Lecter cleared his throat and continued "I am here because I think you need a friend and why wouldn't it be me. I can help you..." He paused again and some seconds later he asked "What happened to your hand?"

Clarice looked at her hand and realized how stupid her earlier behaviour was, she was hiding out here and freaking out. She was angry with herself and the whole world. She closed her eyes for a moment and thought _It was pathetic, I am pathetic. What am I doing? _

Some seconds later she took a deep breath and explained "It is nothing just a scratch."

"Clarice, don't you by now know better than lie to me?"

Clarice sighed deeply and answered in a surrendered way "Broken glass accident... after I watched the news."

"Did you clean the wound?"

"No, I just bandaged it as good as I could."

"Very well. I will go into the bathroom and try to find something to clean and bandage your wound." Dr. Lecter stood up, hesitated and asked "Can I leave your phone and weapon here or are you going to call Jackie boy the moment I turn my back to you?"

"By courtesy I will wait till you are finished with my hand."

"Fair enough. I will be right back." was his reply with a wink.

Clarice hadn't even thought about taking her gun or her phone. All she did was moving from the window to couch where she could sit down. In that very moment she really started to doubt her sanity. _Maybe it is just a dream_ she thought but then she shook her head. _He is here in your house, this is not a dream. Why am I acting like this? I should call someone... God what is wrong with me? This is not right. _Clarice came to the realization that the way she was acting was completely irrational and that the entire situation was more than absurd. Here was her chance, she could call Jack and they would capture him, this would be the right thing to do as Special Agent Starling but as Clarice Starling she didn't made any move to get help because deep inside she knew that he would never hurt her and that was what frightened her the most. It would be easy if she wouldn't care for him. But here in this sequestered cottage, the temptations were overwhelming. After all this time she still could remember the touch of his finger on her finger and it stuck to her through all the years.

Everything was still untouched on the table when Dr. Lecter came back into the living room. He walked over to the couch, placed himself besides her and carefully he took her hand. At first he remove the old bandage and after examining the wound, he carefully cleaned it. He intended not to hurt her in any way and took more time than he actually needed for bandaging the wound on her hand. But he also indulged in the tender feeling of her skin as long as it was possible. During the course of that moment Clarice watched him and she pined for his gentle touch. The more she tried to denied that need the more she ached for him. But she would never allow herself to indulge that desire. It was more than wrong and forbidden. Dr. Lecter knew exactly what she was thinking, he could smell her desire but he also knew that she would deny herself that at least for now. He wouldn't be the one to take advantage of her vulnerability, he would wait. Before Clarice could feel ashamed, Dr. Lecter said while he observed his work "That is better, don't you agree?"

"Much better thank you." was Clarice answer while she withdraw her hand. All that physical contact confused her a lot, well her own feelings regarding him confused her even more and so she observed him for a moment but she couldn't determine any emotion from him. She came to two conclusions, either he hide his emotion too well or he has none. She wanted to avoid his gaze for a moment and took another sip while she asked "Now what?"

"That depends entirely on you, my dear."

"I 'm not on duty but you should not be here. I am already under suspicion to be in contact with you and now you are here... This is wrong... Why are you putting me into such a position?"

"And what position would that be Clarice?"

"You are forcing me to decide if I let you go or not. You putting me into a conflict of duty and interest and that is not fair."

"You are only in a dilemma because you are putting yourself into it. You are not on duty Clarice you said so yourself and we have plenty of time. You still owe me an answer."

Clarice watched him in silence. She was on the fence because she knew exactly what she should do but she also knew what she couldn't do. She didn't wanted to be responsible for his incarceration even though it would be the right thing. But here everything was far away, here was nobody to judge her but herself and she knew that she had to struggle with both ways. Either he stays free or she captures him and deny him not just his freedom but also his life because by now they would kill him on sight after all that has happened. Clarice wanted him to leave, she couldn't trust herself and she needed to get rid of him before she would do something she would regret.

A few moment later Clarice sighed deeply, looked onto his eyes and said "You know the answer already and you know that everything you wrote in that letter was true but we both know that I will go back regardless what happened...…" Clarice paused a moment and tried to discover an emotion from him but there was nothing. Dr. Lecter kept a straight face and didn't moved when Clarice observed him and somehow she was frustrated by his behaviour and in a upset way she asked "What do think is going to happen between us?."

"I have no expectations. All I want to do is talk."

"All I have to do is call Jack and tell him that your are back in the USA."

Dr. Lecter slightly nodded and inquired "And you think if you capture me you will win their favour back. Do you really believe that they will receive you with open arms? They envy you and disdain you because you are not like them. Clarice you are different... but feel free to do whatever you want. I won't hinder you from calling him, you can take your gun and your phone, Clarice. I won't stop you but tell me why you didn't tell Jack that when you received my letter."

"I... don't know... I guess I wasn't thinking. "

But Clarice made no move to take her phone or her gun and Dr. Lecter was very pleased with that and with the fact that he didn't smell any fear. Clarice avoided his gaze again and Dr. Lecter moved a little closer to her while he said "Clarice, look at me..." he paused till their eyes met again and then he continued "Realization and truth can be hurtful things Clarice and you are your one worst enemy..."

Dr. Lecter paused again and watched her for a moment in silence. He wanted to touch her, he wanted to be touched by her and he couldn't bear to see her like a beaten dog. Of course he didn't wanted to take advantage of her but he waited so long for a moment like that and maybe this was the only chance he will have in a very long time. He moved a little closer to her, his eyes never stopped looking at her and finally he slowly raised his right hand, till it was right in front of Clarice cheek. Clarice started to tremble but he smelt her desire and he know about her need to be touch by him. In a very soft and tender way his hand stroked Clarice`s cheek and while her mind told her to stop, her body said something else. Instead of withdrawing her head she bend her head closer to him. Now they were only inches apart and Dr. Lecter whispered to her "Clarice the FBI is trading you like dirt, you deserve better, much better... I would tread you as my queen."

Clarice was powerless towards his attraction, she didn't wanted to fight it anymore, she moved closer to him, closed her eyes and softly she pressed her lips against his lips. Dr. Lecter was overwhelm by her behaviour he didn't expected that and for a moment he didn't made any move but then he couldn't hold his fire anymore. His hands started to wander over her entire body and he responded to her kiss more fiercely than he intended to but after all he was just a man and he had dreamed about her so often. He was lost in her, he wasn't himself because for her he was willing to take risks against his better judgement. All he could think of was her and how good she felt. There wasn't a woman before her who was able to confuse him as much as Clarice did. He was unable and unwilling to master his passion for her. He wanted more, he needed more and he didn't care about the danger.

Clarice felt the same way and so she kissed him with even more intensity than before. For several minutes she allowed herself to be kissed by him and to enjoy his hands over her body. After a while her hands started to wander through his hair but then she stopped kissing him and withdraw her hands while tears flooded her eyes, she whispered "I can't."

His eyes were still closed even though he noticed the change in her scent before she withdrew herself. Clarice`s rejection did hurt him more than he was willing to admit. He went too far and too fast, he should have waited like he had planed. Some seconds later he opened his eyes and watched Clarice. Her eyes were still filled with tears but she was able to look at him when she said with a wavering voice "Whatever you have left in your heart, whether it is affectionateness or compassion you shouldn't waste it on me."

Before he had the chance to reply, Clarice took her phone while Dr. Lecter watched her and asked in a soft way "Is this really what you want Clarice?."

Clarice looked at her phone, she couldn't face him anymore and with a tearful voice she almost begged " Please you have to go. I cant. Don't force me."

A moment later he was gone and Clarice`s was sitting on her couch alone.


End file.
